The Lost Heart
by Akua
Summary: AU-A man saved Harry Potter from certain death today. Remus saw an old wound reopened. Lily saw a chance for healing. James saw a chance for forgiveness. Sirius saw salvation. Harry saw a missing piece of family appear. What is the price of forgiveness?
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N : **Harry Potter and all the characters and the offical story line and props do not belong to me. They are all J.K.'s wonderful creation. She has surely been blessed with it. But please enjoy this fabrication, ne?_

**The Lost Heart**

Chapter One

James Potter was afraid.

Terrified.

Out of his _mind _with it.

And with all of his might he tried to concentrate on the battle, the present, what he was doing. But it had become near impossible, if the numerous gashes and cuts on his body were something to go by. James swept his hazel eyes to the right once more, before being blasted off his feet by the Death Eater that he had been dueling. James flew back several feet before landing roughly on the floor, off of the large pedestal that the archway was sitting on.

It had been no time at all since the warning had occurred at the headquarters, at the late Sirius Black's home. That the Boy-Who-Lived had run away from the safe confines of Hogwarts and had reached the Ministry—and was in definite danger. Lured there by the false vision from Voldemort, that the dark wizard had captured his father.

The Members of the Order of the Phoenix were also informed of exactly who had been brought along on this inane journey. There was Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Neville Longbottom. Three of them were mere fifth year students of Hogwarts while two of them belonged to the fourth year. They didn't have anywhere near the knowledge of the experience to go against fully grown and older wizards. Not to mention that their opponents, Voldemort's minions, were Dark Wizards.

And James was terrified out of his mind, his son, his Harry, was out there without him or Lily there to protect him. The very idea sent James clawing his way back on to the dais of the archway, where all the dueling was occurring. Lost amongst the Order Members and the Death Eaters were those children. James had seen them earlier before everyone had scattered after the first curse was thrown. There was no doubt about it that those students had been caught up in the fighting, were participating in it.

Were being injured in it—and unable to find their way out amongst the dark and unable to tell the difference amongst the common black robes that everyone wore.

James cursed Wizarding fashion. If they didn't see the mask, they didn't know who it was.

A hand clamped down on James' shoulder and hauled him back on to the dais when James found that he couldn't haul himself up and needed the stairs (but the stairs were a rather dangerous area at the moment). James almost reflexively punched whoever helped him in the gut, but he glanced up to see the slightly bloody face of Frank Longbottom. Sending each other small, tight smiles, the two fathers went their own ways. Diving back in to the battle.

They both had sons to find.

* * *

Harry Potter was afraid.

He didn't know how Neville had talked him in to coming this far—and he had come pretty far compared to what Harry would have done on his own—but somehow that guy had done it. Harry was used to being the last in his classes but with Neville's help he had improved greatly in Defense Against the Dark Arts. It was the confidence from that accomplishment that had led Harry Potter to where he was currently standing. He was sorely regretting that confidence.

He was sorely regretting letting Neville and Ginny talk him in to this. He was regretting that Ron had bullied him in to this. And he was regretting the fact that he had dragged Luna in here with them all. The poor fourth year girl—Harry hadn't seen her since the Death Eaters had appeared in all their Dark glory.

But here he was. _Afraid_.

He was sorry that he hadn't written his parents in a month now. He was really sorry. He was sorry about all the awful things that had been said. He didn't mean to say it! Not really..

But he was trapped now. Trapped! Stuck between a crazy Death Eater and a fluttering black drape. A bloody huge drape, but it was still a piece of cloth. And Harry didn't know why he was getting the most horrible chills from being around or near the thing.

_"Imperio!"_ The Death Eater shouted, elegantly swinging his wand in Harry's direction. The spell was incoming and Harry found that he could only back up, there was no room to jump to the sides. There were people, too many people on either side for him to move. And the first of the unforgivables blasted him straight in the chest.

Harry had honestly been expecting pain for his first encounter with the curse. Instead he felt light, happy.

Content and unafraid.

Without resistance, his body followed the commands of the caster of the spell. And Harry didn't mind, he felt safe and protected like he always felt when he was with his parents. After being in a constant state of terror for so long this peace was wonderful.

Harry never wanted it to leave.

* * *

They had all fallen in to a stand still.

Dumbledore and Voldemort stood on opposing sides at the stairs of the dais. A squirming, pained Neville grasped in Voldemort's chilly, disgusting hands. Dumbledore was shaking in what looked like anger as he glared down at the enemy.

Voldemort had a chilly smile on his lips.

Just behind Dumbledore stood Frank Longbottom, wand trained on the dark wizard as his eyes drifted between that man and his son. He looked fairly sickened that his son was grasped in that monster's hands. The forces or Light and Dark were separating. Moving to amass behind their rightful leaders, but one thing was painfully obvious.

The Death Eaters had caught most of the students. Ginny, Luna and Ron had been found during the battle and collected and promptly shoved to the near back of the Light forces, to be sent out in a second once they gathered the rest of the young ones. They only had so many portkeys to and from this place that led to near Hogwarts. Only certain people held those special portkeys as well. Mainly Dumbledore, since he worked at the school. Generally, most of the members of the Order had portkeys that led back to their base.

Harry Potter was in as much a pickle as Neville. Though he wasn't struggling or in pain at the moment. The dreamy look of the imperio on his face sent chills down James' spine as he glared at the cruel hands around his son's shoulders.

"Give up, Albus." Voldemort finally hissed, tightening the grip he had on Neville's shoulders and jamming the tip of his wand further up and in to the underside of the boy's jaw. Painful against the soft flesh—causing the boy to whimper slightly. His famous lightning bolt scar was red and pulsing on his forehead through his bangs like some sick thing that was alive and burned for its own freedom.

Dumbledore shook his head, giving Tom a sad look as he spoke, "no, Tom. It is you who should give up. You can not win." The sad voice had disappeared with each word, and Dumbledore's voice was soon strong once more. Of course, this was not the answer that the other wanted to hear. Not even the underlying answer was something the Dark Wizard once known as Tom Riddle wanted to hear.

_Even if there are sacrifices, no one will give up to you._

Lipless lips pulled back on Voldemort's face as he gave Albus a look of pure contempt. "I was only after one life tonight, but you have merely doomed another!"

Lily didn't stop the scream that came as her son was pushed in to the black curtains. The heavy drapes sweeping out and toward her child like a sentient being ready to devour her baby whole. The scream was enough to break the small reprieve as the Light's forces swarmed forward and against the Death Eaters.

Lily and James could only watch as their son started to disappear in to the black nothing that lied behind the curtain. They had been too far away to do anything, not even a summoning charm could pull the boy back. He was too far gone.

Maybe it was good that their only son was to die in the blissful state of the imperio.

Dumbledore's spell sent Voldemort flying threw the air. Voldemort had already had the killing curse on his lips, ready to end Neville's life, but his violent departure sent his arm flying wide, the curse moving away from a frozen Longbottom and in to the crowd of the Order of the Phoenix.

Someone went down.

Frank gleefully swept his son in to his arms and dragged him toward the other students.

James and Lily were left to watch the drapes of the curtain close around their son. The Death Eater that had pushed him in already lay on the floor in a mass of blood courtesy of Mad Eye Moody. They couldn't speak, they couldn't look away—there was no looking away from the murder of your own child.

They were more numb then sad.

It was too quick and too sudden.

_Had he fallen out the other side?_

The curtains swept out again, ragged edges sweeping up and in to the ceiling as if to give anyone who looked a glance in to its secrets—bloating and shifting as if on the other side of the whimsy material was a mass of writhing bodies trying to claw their way out of the tomb they had landed in. Expanding and flowing out and out and out till the raggedy edges of the sickening veil almost seemed to be suffering a strong wind that no one felt.

And two bodies tumbled out of it. The larger one practically clawing away from the shadows with Harry in his arms, clutched to his chest with a shaking arm. The drapes fell down, falling on them and near dragging the duo back in but the bigger body somehow got enough coordination to pull them out of reach.

The man stumbled to his feet, sweeping the limp body of Harry up in to his arms with a gentleness of a man holding his own soul. Lily's arms burned to hold her son once again. Her body tumbled forward and toward the pair that was continuing to stumble away from the veil.

James as at her side and her baby was in the arms of a stranger. A stranger that had saved his life but a stranger all the same—Lily wanted her baby! James focus was on the man's back as they raced forward. The long, lank black hair looked like it needed a good washing and cutting for some order. It laid tumbled across skinny shoulders like a limp, dead thing. The thin black robe didn't do much to hide the skinny frame.

James didn't know anyone so skinny.

James didn't grab his son. His hands clamped down on the man's shoulders and dragged him to where the Order was gathering up. The children—they needed to be brought back to Hogwarts. Harry needed to go to the Hospital Wing. He needed it, he had survived something that wasn't supposed to be survived! Lily gasped and went pale at his side but James ignored it.

His son was so close. He need to move, they needed to move. Go, go and run!

James found the other children in the back, Moody gathering them all together as he stuck a portkey he had attained from Albus under their noses. The Weasley boy was sporting an ugly, freely bleeding gash over the side of his left face and his sister looked a little green around the gills as she stared at him. Luna was clutching an arm, eyes wide and clear and surprisingly intelligent as opposed to the dreamy state James had known her whole family to have. Neville was relatively unharmed, but the shame on his face was easy to read like an open book.

When he saw Harry, there were actually tears in his eyes.

James didn't let go of the man—he wasn't struggling, though he was gasping for breath like he had run too far. He perked up when he saw the other kids, James assumed he was some new recruit for the Order. James reached out and grabbed an edge of the portkey—a used newspaper this time. The man shifted Harry and grabbed on to the spot next to James with a dirty, bloody hand.

Neville reluctantly and finally grabbed a hold. Luna's eyes flashed before she said "reperio lupus."

Hook, line and sinker—the portkey activated like a bunch to the gut followed by the feeling that came when one rode a muggle rollercoaster. Or that was what James thought it felt like since his wife and pulled him and his son to a muggle festival of a sort.

James cast a quick, anxious eye on his group. His wife wasn't there. He would be anxious, but he believed in her capabilities to make it out of their alive. So he held on tight and closed his eyes. He landed harshly on the ground in side the hospital wing. The sterile stench was a comfort. It spoke of safety.

"Madam Pomfrey?!" The stranger was up and on his feet.

James blinked. Pomfrey was at the battle, Remus had taken over the Hospital Wing… Everyone knew that. That man had the kid's attentions now as he frantically moved around.

The back door to the Hospital Wing's burst open as Remus ran in to the room. Drawn by the frantic shouting. He stopped dead just a few short feet from their group, eyes as wide as saucers. Only one word left his mouth—something that James didn't think he'd ever hear from the man.

_"Sirius!"_

* * *

**A/N ; **Okay.. so it's not the Demon Diary thing. I'm working on it, really. The next chapter is halfway done... and has been for a while. I guess I'm just not inspired for it. This is that classical 'Sirius goes through the veil and comes out the other side gig. If someone has done something like this... well, be nice and share. Though, this universe will uniquely be my own. Don't worry about it, I plan to make things happen. Whenever I get around to it.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Lost Heart**

Chapter 2

Sirius didn't know where to look. Everything had passed in a blur, a very fast blur. Harry had been placed on a hospital bed by his father. By his _father_, the very man that was supposed to be dead and wasn't. Sirius took a shaky breath and hunched over, burying his face in his hands as he tried to accept the past few minutes. Everything was so _wrong_.

So _very_ wrong.

Remus had shoved him in to this marked off hospital bed. The curtains were drawn tight and he was sure that they were spelled shut as well. Sirius doubted he could get out, he didn't know where his wand was anyway. He had dropped it. No, he hadn't dropped it so much as it had slipped out of his fingers when he had been blasted through the veil.

Another shaky breath. Another shudder.

Everything had gone black and cold. He had seen Harry running at him from across the room, he had seen Remus diving after. And then the curtains had fallen down and he didn't see anything anymore. Everything had just gone on and on forever. A darkness that never ended, he hadn't even known if his eyes were opened or closed until something soft and warm landed hard in to his cold stomach. He had thought it was an enemy or an animal at first and grappled at it.

Then the weightless feeling went away and Sirius realized he was falling on to the thing that had run in to them. He had fallen on the body as they tumbled out on to the cold hard floor of the battlefield. Sirius had glanced down once to see what had run in to him even as he started to scramble from the invisible fingers of the veil. That one glance obliterated all other thoughts in his mind. All he could think of was his godson.

Harry.

His Harry.

Sirius pushed the heels of his palms in to his eyes as if that could stop the headache that was approaching. He was cold, he was damp with sweat and above all else he felt sick to the core. He had met up with the other kids, not even thinking about how this would expose his identity at all. He just wanted to get Harry to the hospital wing. He was unconscious, Sirius had to help his only godson, James's only child. The last Potter…

Sirius whined deep in to his throat. His head ached awfully.

…But when he had arrived, Remus had appeared. And then he had seen that the warm hands on his shoulders belonged to a dead man. James Potter. James had eyed him like Sirius was the corpse as he pulled Harry from his weak arms. He pulled him over to a bed as Remus came about and shoved Sirius in to isolation.

And now, sitting here all alone, Sirius couldn't even muster up the tears of frustration. He couldn't cry, he was just so tired. He didn't even feel anything at this point—drained, he was just drained at this point. Another sigh. Sirius used his feet to toe off his shoes. He glanced down to the dark grey socks before he laid back on the hospital bed. He was a hard bed, it always had been. But at least it was better then nothing. Sirius threw his arms off to the side, letting them hang off the sides of the hospital wing's bed and let his mind wander.

He didn't understand what had happened. Remus had tried to explain where they were going on the way over, but Sirius hadn't been listening. Oh, he was regretting that already. He sorely wished he had listened to the werewolf now. But then again another part of him didn't regret not listening. He had been able to save his godson after all, right? That had to be worth something in the end, right?

As long as Harry was alright, as long as Harry lived on then Sirius didn't mind throwing his life away. It was his fault that James was dead. It was his actions that had killed Harry's father. It was only right that he die doing his best to ensure Harry's safety. To die in the place of family so that they would live on—James had done it, Lily had done it. Sirius had been about to do it… And then he had fallen in to that queer veil.

Sirius sighed again and crushed the anger that welled inside him. He didn't know what had happened. Someone knew, or had an idea. Maybe it was best to have him sit here and wait while things from the battle were sorted out. Maybe he was in trouble for showing himself off to the kids. He was a wanted criminal. Sirius stiffened, but even then that didn't explain James. Sirius raised his arms and placed his hands over his face, only dimly surprised about the tear tracks that had appeared on his face.

Remus would know what to do. He always did. But Sirius was tired of sitting and waiting! He had sat and waited for a whole year in that god forsaken house of his Purist mother who had yapped more then a small dog! Sirius growled in a dog like fashion as his fingers crawled up to curl in his dirty hair. His body tensed, all he wanted to do now was move. He had to move, he had to do something because all this waiting was_ killing him_!

* * *

James rubbed Remus's left shoulder as the man hunched over against the wall by Harry's bed. They hadn't found anything wrong with him, Remus had deemed him to just be asleep. It hadn't taken long to settle the other children down and helped send them off to the land of healing sleep with a few well placed suggestions and potions. They were relatively unharmed and because of that they were easily dismissed in place of the current 'problem'.

They had calmly sent them off.. but as soon as the last child went under to start their recovery, the tears had broken out. Remus had sobbed. The fit hadn't lasted long but it had drained the other of what little energy he had with him. All James had gotten for his efforts to help calm the other down was a hollow stare and more tears.

It had been the best option to wait it out. Even if it had driven James mad as he had done so.

He sighed, James didn't know what was happening. But Sirius was dead and that was the end of it. But that man had been.. unmistakenable. He wasn't the Sirius that any of them remembered but James was unable to deny that that had been him. A Sirius that didn't match up with the final memories he had had of the man. A stranger but at the same time he wasn't a stranger. James patted Remus on the shoulder before guiding the man to sit down on the empty bed next to Harry's own instead of sobbing in to a wall. When he reached the bed, Remus shrugged off the other's hand. James soon moved and perched himself on the end of Harry's bed.

They didn't speak for the longest time.

"James... Sirius is dead." The first words spoken in a long while, courtesy of Remus.

James nodded before he nervously raised a hand to run his fingers through his messy hair. He nodded mutely again as he adjusted his thin glasses on his nose. Remus had turned to look at him and James cleared his throat. "I know.."

"James. I _killed_ him. I saw him _die_, he shouldn't be alive. You saw him!" Remus's voice rose as his hands moved to cover his own mouth as if he was going to hurl. James's hands tightened in to fists as he nodded once again but didn't move to help. This wasn't something he could help the other. It had been years already but Remus had never recovered… James had seen Sirius's corpse as well, he had been brought around to identify it. But James didn't think another 'I know' would help matters. So he listened to Remus as the other broke himself up once again over a matter that had never really been put to rest.

Remus was shaking, James noticed that easily enough. The years had not been kind to him, they had never been kind to him. Not since he had been bitten and turned in to a werewolf as a child and not since he had murdered his first man. The small, rail thin body the other sported was just testament to that. Lily had been getting on the other's case about it for a while now. She had come to James several times about it and they had both gone to Remus with several interventions that worked for a few months before fading off again.

James closed his eyes as if in pain, James didn't think Lily had seen the man who had saved their son. But she would know soon enough, he could never hide anything from his wife. Though, he dearly wished he could keep this one from her ears and eyes. He didn't think he could stand it either, to see that man again.

That was not Sirius. It had to be some kind of sick joke.

"Maybe it was a polyjuice.." James spoke up hesitantly.

Remus shook his head. "Sirius never looked like that." The werewolf choked out, his golden-brown gaze leveled to the floor. No one else had arrived at the castle, so James supposed that Madam Pomfrey was dealing with the injured at the base before she headed back. "Polyjuice doesn't work like that. You should know." Remus added with a baleful look to the other. James quickly looked away with a flinch.

"... what should we do, Remus?"

"We wait for Dumbledore."

* * *

Lily Potter rubbed her thumbs against the bottom segment of her wand as she hung back from the crowd at the base. The wounded were relatively low in number and there hadn't been any news of just how many had died. She had seen Madam Pomfrey a few moments ago for a nasty gash that had littered her side a few moments ago.

The red headed, thin woman gingerly touched her tender side as her mind ghosted back. She pushed some ragged strands of hair behind her ear as she nervously moved around the room. She didn't have anything to really contribute. Frank Longbottom had met her a few moments ago. His wife Alice at his hip and both of them on edge—they wanted to go and see their son as well. But they were unable to go. They were such key figures that they were needed for the following meeting.

James and Remus were generally there but they were at Hogwarts. Where Lily wanted to be. Her heart clenched painfully as she thought about her son. Her poor, dear little child—Lily knew that she mothered the boy senseless but she had done it out of love!

She heaved a sigh and looked up with a hand touched her arm. Tonks, adorned with puke green hair and frog eyes pulled a face. Puffing her cheeks out ridiculously around her mouth. Lily shook her head and let out a chuckle at the younger woman. Tonks quickly morphed her face back into some semblance of normality. The frog eyes giving way to black human eyes and her hair changing to a blue shade.

"Don't fret so much Mrs. Potter." She elbowed Lily gently in the side and spoke in such a way that Lily could feel her anxiety fade a little bit. "We'll be seeing our boys soon." The confident smile faded slightly from her face and Lily noticed the tightness around her eyes. Lily gave the other a small smile and a nod. Tonks would be anxious to see Remus, after all. Just as Remus would be to see her—it was on odd friendship the two had gained. Rather on accident, as Lily remembered.

Tonks had been one of their newest members of the order and on her first mission. Sirius had been there, Lily recalled. They had gone to fetch Remus from his negations with some southern werewolf tribes when things had turned sour had Death Eaters had shown up. The three of them had fallen off the map for a week.

Sirius had said that he had been passed out a lot due to the pain of a few broken ribs. But he remembered that his cousin and Remus had hit it off, talking to keep each other company and exchanging embarrassing stories about him. Sirius had heard a few every so often when he returned in to consciousness.

Lily closed her eyes when she felt another pang in her heart. Shortly after that mission had led to Dumbledore showing up with the prophecy… and then their dear friendships had been broken apart.

And then Sirius had died.

She raised her hands and roughly scrubbed her face with her sleeves. Dumbledore was calling everyone's attention. She had to wait just a little bit longer. There would be another meeting come tomorrow as well. Just a little bit longer and she'd have her baby in her arms and nothing save the end of the world would make her remove her protective arms from around him.

* * *

An awkward silence had fallen over them as they waited in silence. James glanced up to Remus once again at the silent, sulking man. James quickly looked down to Harry once more. He had moved from sitting on the end of the bed to standing at his son's side. He reached down and smoothed the flyaway black strands of hair from his son's face.

James could feel some unnamed tension ease as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to his son's forehead. He lightly ran his fingers over the unmarred skin as he hovered over his son. He appeared to be unharmed, though he hadn't woken yet. He had been chilled when they had first arrived. But a well placed warming charm and some nice sheets had removed that.

He touched his son's hair again, it was so much like his own. He could see a lot of himself in his still growing son. The same jaw and forehead, James could see that they had the same shoulders and James bet that when his son finished growing they'd be nearly the same height. Give or take a little bit. He did see some of Lily in there too, the eyes and the shape of the eyes. The thin nose and small ears, the tapering hands and thin wrists—all of that was Lily.

He pulled back after patting Harry once more on top of the head. At least his son was safe. He looked around for a moment before drawing his wand. A mumble later and luminescent red numbers appeared that spoke the time.

It had been an hour since he arrived.

He looked over to Remus, but the man was still staring at his hands. He hadn't moved at all since they had stopped talking nearly an hour ago.

"I think we should go talk with the guy."

James just barely stopped himself from flinching at the intense look Remus gave him. He couldn't fully read that face, but James knew that something was going on in that head of his. He saw the man look to the curtained area. Watched as the werewolf clenched his strong jaw in indecision. Remus finally shook his head.

James hesitated before he spoke again. "The meeting should be over. Dumbledore is probably too busy." James rolled his shoulders as he took a step away from his son's bed. "Its been over an hour, any potions would have worn off.." James trailed and glanced to the curtained area. Out of the corner of his eye he could see that Remus was looking that way as well.

"He didn't seem to have a wand. I imagine if he had one he'd be out of there already." James spoke. He was moving on to some tedious ground now.

"We could find out who he really is. Maybe it is some guy who just looks a bit like him. After all… we both know that he never looked like that." James added, he couldn't help as he started to draw closer and closer to the curtains.

He was rationalizing this. "It might be some new recruit we hadn't seen yet. We don't know everyone, after all. The order is too big."

There was a plausible, reasonable explanation for this.

James stood just outside the curtains now. Remus hovering at his side, he wanted to know just as much as James did. There was some desperate look on his best friend's face, and James didn't like it.

"Lets put this ghost to rest." And James quickly spelled the curtains open.

* * *

**A/N;** Well, once again.. not the Demon Diary one. But I'm getting to it. This one is just coming faster at the moment. I'm just working out some dynamics, s'all. Hope you all enjoyed. And thank you Lucillia and Miss Eliza Azraelian for your reviews. I hope you both enjoyed the chapter. If you got any suggestions I wouldn't mind hearing them.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Lost Heart**

Chapter 3

James watched in slow motion as the curtains drew back. The pale grey-blue curtains folding and bunching as they pushed around—and then the marked off bed was open for the world to see. James hesitated before deciding to keep his wand in hand before he stepped forward. He glanced over his shoulder once to see that Remus appeared to be fixated to the spot and staring at the bed.

It was irrational that he felt a flash of irritation at the other's attitude, but James didn't let that stop him from approaching the prone figure on the bed. He was doing this for them, because there was a high chance that they'd never see the guy after this. This Sirius doppelganger would fade away with the ebb and flow of time and this chance to see that it wasn't the real Sirius would be better for all of them.

He came to a stop by the bed and looked down at the man curled up on his side. His long hair was strewn over his face and hid most of him from view. He was near fully curled in to a ball with his arms against his stomach and his hands tucked under his chin, fingernails pressing in to the visible, obvious collarbone.

The man was asleep, but James didn't hesitate in casting a silent stupefy on the man. A flash of red light and he was assured that the stranger was out for the count. With that done, James slipped his wand back in to the hostler at his hip. Shaking his hands out, he reached out and grabbed as much of the man's wild hair as he could and he pushed it back.

He didn't look yet, no. He concentrated on the dirty hair. It was black and oily and slick to the touch and James wanted all of it out of the way before he actually looked at the man. He could feel Remus at his side but didn't talk to the man or listen to the werewolf as he worked slow and gathered every free strand of hair. Tucking the mass of hair under the man's head, James raised his hands and adjusted his glasses before lowering his arm and looking at the man.

Remus choked, turned and fled.

James pulled his mouth tight as he stared down at the man's face. There couldn't be any doubt here, this man's face was obviously Sirius's. James didn't know that his hands were shaking, but he wasn't bothering to think hard on it as he stared. Sirius had always been someone on the unique side of the boat. Eyes that were deep set and large were his main characteristic along with a long, straight nose—only now his eyes were surrounded in bruises and his nose looked a little off, as if it had been broken once. The skin was pasty and pale and the beard on Sirius's face was something James had never seen before.

Before Sirius had died, he had always been clean-shaven.

Before he knew what he was doing, James had pressed his hands against the bed next to Sirius's shoulder and had leveled himself down to stare at the man's face. He was past the range of uncomfortably close now but James didn't care. This shouldn't be possible.

A wand in hand and he was casting every known revealing charm that he knew. With each failed charm, James could feel something along the lines of hysteria rising up.

It had been a closed coffin, Sirius's Funeral.

They hadn't found all of him in the end.

James had silently speculated to himself that Moony might have eaten his face, and a good deal of his organs.

Pressing his face against the side of the bed, James slid down on to his knees and tried to breath. The room had gone faint for a moment, but with his eyes closed like this everything seemed to right itself. He worked on keeping his shaking down and his features twisted as if he was in pain.

Remus was no longer in the room or anywhere close to him.

Maybe this doppelganger even smelled like Sirius.

Raising his head and opening his eyes, James focused on the man's face, only for hazel to connect with pale blue eyes. James flinched, how long had he been kneeling here, right next to him? How long had his eyes been open and watching him as he worked through his panic and fear?

"Sirius…" He couldn't make himself turn his best mate's name in to a question. He continued to stare at the man's face, and he was sure that the wonder that Sirius was starting to show was mirrored on to his own.

"James…?" James nearly flinched at his name that was surely a question. Hesitating, James nodded, eyes still wide. That pale, bony hand reached out and touched James's face, as if to see if James was something that was solid and real. His hands were icy and James nearly pulled away from them, nearly. He forced himself to stay were he was.

James couldn't think of anything to say, but he didn't have to. Sirius laughed, a smile appearing in his scraggily face that wasn't exactly sane but still as boyish as it had been before he died. "So I'm dead, am I right?" Flinging his arm back, Sirius spread out on to his back with a hum, closing his eyes and letting his grin stretch wide.

"So, where is Lily then? I figure that we could all have a party, the three of us. And then maybe hope that Remus will make it in his old age or something. We could poke fun of the man then." Sirius didn't turn his head but merely moved his eyes to turn and look at James. It was strange, seeing his bright eyes amongst his dark face—this was a man whose face had started to fade over the years. He could hardly remember the Sirius that was—the image of dimples and a smooth face had grown dim over the years. But at James looked down to Sirius, he remembered the man now. Or at least he could now draw similarities to what he could remember of the other.

James shifted, his knees cold and achy but he didn't move to stand. Instead he remained on his knees at Sirius's side. "L.. Lily isn't here. She is at headquarters." James said, eyebrows drawing together. "… I don't know what you mean by being dead. Or at least, if by here you mean dead…" James glanced over his shoulder to the opening of the curtains before looking back to Sirius.

"You're the one that died. A long time ago, that is—I mean…" James sighed and grabbed a bit at his flyaway hair and was reminded of the differences between him and the doppelganger Sirius by the oil free strands that were a bit clumped together. "You shouldn't be here. You died when Harry was just a year old." James didn't know how to take the frown or the stare that Sirius was giving him.

"I… I mean, Remus… Remus has been so…" James flinched when those cold hands touched his face. Sirius jerked and sat up, hauling his too skinny and unkempt body up in to a sitting position as he continued to stare at James.

"You're older." Sirius accused, focusing on the small creases that had formed over the years on James's face. "You're not supposed to look like that." He was reaching again and James had the mind to pull back and get back on to his feet.

Sirius… was staring at him.

"James, that's not right. Your face. It should be younger, you died so young…" The whine that grew in the back of his throat made James's stomach turn cold. There were tears starting to well up in Sirius's eyes. "So young, so young," Sirius hiccupped and moved as if he was reaching out to James.

"… Or was I dreaming?"

And James fled, spelling the curtains shut as he left the enclosed space.

* * *

James found Remus in the Hospital Wing's lavatory. It was a simple room used by girls and boys alike, whoever was in there at the time. Remus was crouched over the single toilet of the room, the seat up and himself leaning on the rim. Tired eyes flickered up to James before turned back to the waters in the toilet.

Remus looked exhausted, pale and drawn and shriveled. James stood at the doorway for a moment, watching the werewolf shake for a moment and he tried to will himself forward.

It had been like this, years ago.

When they had rescued Remus from that Death Eater camp. Of course, when they had went out for Remus they had been expecting to bring another back as well.

* * *

_James hadn't had the heart to go to Sirius's flat. Either that or he couldn't bear to go to the place Sirius had left with plans on coming back. Only he hadn't come back. Laying on his back in the Hospital Wing of Hogwarts, James had needed the best of the best for his nearly severed leg. His left leg still ached and the curse that had been used to slice it reminded him of just why he was fighting the Death Eaters in the first place._

_To fill the world with good people, to rid the world of Dark Wizards who would seek the deaths and screams of others. Clenching his hands in the sheets over his body, James breathed in and out. He had been in the wing for a week now. Recovering for a week because while magic had fixed most of his leg, he needed time to mind. He had just started the muscle rehabilitation the other day and it wouldn't be long before he was back home. Home with Harry and Lily…_

_He lifted his hands then and rubbed his face. His glasses were on the nightstand, ready to be used when he needed them. But he didn't need them yet, so he just laid where he was and listened to the silence of the hospital wing._

_This place was so cold. James had never felt the chill of the stones Hogwarts was made of till this moment._

_Without Sirius, Hogwarts was a different place. They had made so many memories in this place. All of the pranks and detentions and just… all of the time they had spent here. It may not have been in this bed exactly, but James could remember looking up and seeing the ceiling of the wing, it was familiar. Letting his gaze fall and drop to his left he saw something that was unfamiliar. An empty bed._

_Sirius was supposed to be here. Knowing he was gone left something raw and gaping in his soul. They had just gone through so much together. If James could guess about what it felt like to be twins with someone, he had guessed it felt something like how he felt with Sirius. It was as if the man was just another extension of his soul. Curling his lips in to a grimace, James hid the unsavory face from the rest of the world and tried to assuage his chopped soul._

_Lily completed him, body and soul. But Sirius had been a part of him too._

_There was nothing that could be done now. Sirius was dead. And that was that._

_James found himself staring at that bed. He had expected to get hospitalized with this mission. He just… never expected to be so lonely while he was recovering. He never expected to feel so unfulfilled and hollow, but that was supposed to be expected of failure._

_The sound of retching filled the silence and drew James's attention from his inner horrors. He frowned to himself and listed the ten or so Order members who had been wounded in the mission. It could be any of them, really. He knew that someone had been hit with some pretty nasty business._

_If there was one thing that James knew in his twenty-one year long life, it was that suffering alone was always greater then suffering together._

_With that in mind, James sat up, easing himself along and minding the way his body ached and pulled. He was dressed in typical blue hospital pajamas so he didn't bother with thinking about his clothes. Pushing off from the bed, his feet hit cold tile and he shivered. Grabbing the crutch leaning against his bed side table, he arranged that under his arm before he grabbed his glasses and shoved them on to his nose._

_His left leg had been almost fully severed off at the mid-thigh region. The area was tender still and the half severed bone still ached—he was planning on bringing this up to Nearly Headless Nick when he had the chance. The were both part of the 'nearly' club. James refused to add Sirius to the 'nearly' list._

_Nearly saved—if only they had been nine hours quicker._

_Shaking his head, James half walked, half hobbled to the single lavatory that belonged to the hospital wing. Or at least the one that was for public use. There was another rumored one somewhere that he hadn't ever had the need to find. But still, that wasn't the point. Instead he moved to the slightly open door of the bathroom._

_Without a knock or any prompting, James shoved the door open and flipped on the lights with a short twist of his wand before slipping that back in to a pocket as the poor soul was within mid heave. James hadn't expected to see Remus crouched on the floor._

_James's free hand, the one that wasn't supporting the crutch, shot out and clutched the doorframe as a wave of vertigo hit him. Remus was still heaving and James felt sick._

_He had been the first one down in the dungeons and the one leading the way toward Remus and Sirius. He had his wand drawn and was sprinting down the halls of the dark dungeon, the tip of his wand bright with anxiety. James had been the first one to find Remus… and Sirius._

_Maybe his mind had blocked it out or maybe in the end his magic had saved him the horror of having to see the… mess that Moony had made out of Sirius. He had never seen so much red in his life before, with body parts strewn across the too small cell and Remus huddled in a corner heaving flesh and guts and sobbing._

_His light had gone out. And the world had gone black when the curse nearly took his leg off._

_Seeing Remus as he was, heaving nothing but air over a toilet didn't help. James trembled and his eyes couldn't move away from the man as Remus suffered._

_The cell had been so small._

_Sirius had never stood a chance._

_It only the man had had an animagus form!_

_… if only Remus wasn't a monster._

_James stood there and he couldn't find the will to move even as Remus tilted his head and raised his eyes. Eyes that were large and golden and blood shot and pleading for mercy, for understanding—James stared._

_He lowered his eyes._

_And he spelled the lights off and shut the door._

* * *

Remus leaned against the toilet and tilted his head just so. Tilting in such a way that his eyes were able to connect with James and James couldn't shake off the feeling of how similar the situations was. It was similar, but not exact. Remus was no longer pleading for understanding.

James felt his leg ache.

His lungs constricted.

Tears.

James let himself stumble in to the bathroom and fall to his knees at Remus's side. Throwing his arms around the other, James hung on. "I'm sorry…" James mumbled out on to Remus's shoulder, pushing his remorse and sorrow in to the words. Remus was tense for a long time before he slowly relaxed, turned and then held on to James.

James hadn't heard Remus cry all of those years ago. He suspected that maybe the other had just been holding it in. Because Remus let out a mighty cry and his grip became near painful. He sobbed and clawed and clung and James endured. James held on and let the man cry.

At the funeral of one Sirius Black, neither had cried.

And they finally started to mourn.

And James finally started to forgive Remus for the actions he had no control over.

Lily and Tonks found them an hour later, shoulder to shoulder and sitting on the tile across from the toilet. Neither man said a word and neither woman questioned it. Instead, Lily pulled her husband up from the ground and they embraced and held on to each other for a long moment before they went to see their son.

Tonks replaced James's spot on the floor. Neither said anything for a long moment before Remus mentioned that Tonks should go find Dumbledore, and tell the Headmaster that there was a dead man in the infirmary.

Tonks was silent a long while before she finally got up and left the infirmary to go to the Headmaster's office. Gathering his wand, Remus shut the door with a flick and laid down. Pressing his face to the cool tile, he took a long moment to compose himself again.

That man…

The smell of wet dog and ashes was still clogged in his noise and sat in the back of his throat like a taste. It was something that Sirius had always uniquely smelt like when he didn't shower. And as much as it pained Remus to remember his good friend, it pained him more to see his memory being so… tarnished.

The Headmaster would be brought down and they'd take care of this.

And everyone would finally move on.

Get this wound cauterized. End the pain and suffering that Sirius's name brought.

* * *

**A/N :** ... well gee, look what snuck in. .' I guess I needed to take a small break. Look at how often I'm putting stuff up! Its amazing, isn't it? XD Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter Miss Eliza Azraelian. I hope things become just a bit clearer now that another chapter went up. Hopefully I'll have another Demon Diary chapter up come Monday or next thursday or something... Read and Review, rawr!


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